My grand daughter calls me Spider Woman. There are a lot of cob webs around. Perhaps she is right. But as I set here in front of the computer, looking I guess, for answers a little spider has been coming down it's thread right in front of the screen. Some would say "too many spiders". But as I gently move the thread over to safety, I have the feeling it is telling me to "get on with things".

I am coming to the realization that for 68 years I have maybe not been the real me. But, instead a version of me as seen by others. So busy being a daughter, student, grand daughter, wife, mother, employee, so many things to so many people. Not that I would change any of it, expect if I could I would be a more authentic ME. But perhaps that comes with only time and wisdom. Oh Spirit give me wisdom, cause time is ticking away.
(A work in progress in more ways than one)

Being alone does not make you free.

Four walls does not make you safe.

My heart says, we need someone to breath the air with,

To hold hands with, sitting beneath the stars.

My Soul says, we need someone to talk with, if only to whisper secrets in the night.

My mind says, we need someone to explore life with,

If only to learn of an other's dreams.

So don't seek the wrong freedom or the safety of a "box".

Be open to another seeker, be open to what could be.

Creator painting in pastels this day. Things have been slightly surreal these past days. I seek and get advice from several reliable sources. But, really they are just opinions of that source. And you know what they say about opinions.;-) This is me winking. Sooo in the final analysis, the decisions we all make have to be from our inner voice, that part of us that is a part of that Source that created this beautiful sky. Listen to the natural world which we are all part of. I don't just mean taking pictures, honoring the sun/moon rise and setting, doing all those that preserve and nourish the Earth that is important so important and needed. What I am saying is realize that the energy that is in me, the very cells is in every rock, tree, creature that lives on this Earth. We are truly all one. So I try to be grounded like the stone, give to the wind like the tree, and live in harmony with my fellow creatures.

Have been trying to slow down my thought process. So much whirling around in there getting jumbled. I joined a letter writing group, literally snail mail writing. Thought I needed to wean myself from instant gratification. So what happens, my Internet is down for 4 days. Talk about withdrawals. But it came back up this morning and the world is still revolving and I got a lot of hand work done. Even went out and had ceremony at the wheel.

The hawk/hawks having been having a hay day out toward the wheel. I even found a scraggly feather. This morning heard 2 different calls from 2 different hawks as they swooped through the trees and above. I know there are hawk experts out there that say for the most part hawks are solitary but for the last month I have seen and heard at least 3 almost daily. Of course the crows and squirrels are really upset about the whole thing.

Had other revelations as well. I talk from time to time about the grieving process. I have come to realize one thing-I have memories and history that needs to be remembered and honored. But that does not define who I am now. I just need to figure out who I am now.;-)

In My knowing, I am quiet.

In My soul, I am calm.

In My care, I am centered.

In the silence, my path way comes.

More rain last night YAY! Not going to look at rain gauge, just being thankful for what ever we get.
Only comment this morning is from TUT.
"Love always wins.
Kindness always prevails.
And smiles always disarm.
Touche', The Universe
And there can be as many winners as players, Life Rocks!"
TUT always makes me smile.

Blessed rain. My grandson and I washed our cars and we got rain in Terrell County. Not sure how much but was so wonderful, enough it ran off the roof into the rain barrel. Is supposed to be hot and humid today, heat index of 105.

Yesterday I spoke of Joseph Campbell and finding your bliss. He said something that struck me as significant. "Look for the experience of being alive". Aren't we all alive? We are up walking around, talking, eating, breathing. "The Hero's Journey" is more than that. I mentioned about the truth can be "a hard stone". If we will look at the truth and take it in, that is the beginning of the journey. "The call to adventure" it is called, a continuing circle- separation(an event that will force you to look at the truth), an invitation(learning new ways of being and doing), the return(bringing back and living life so others see). The separation can be a "sledgehammer" event or it can be a "feather" touch. If we pay attention the feather will come more often that the hammer.

Our adventures don't have to be big and grand to make a difference. Everyday we can go through the separation, invitation and return. If we live our real lives, others can't help but notice and be affected by it. I think so much of Jim, he had his warts. But, everyday I see and realize how he did live his real life, not holding back, affected people in a positive way, creating stories that his friends and family still talk about. All that without benefit all this "whoo hoo" stuff as he would call it. ;-) May your day be well.

I belong to the Spiritual Cinema Circle. Each month they send three shorts and one feature movie. They are always good some better than others. This month the feature movie was about Joseph Campbell "Finding Joe". A philosopher and student of the mystic, Campbell was about finding your bliss. He said something to the affect "When you follow your bliss, the Universe opens doors where there was only walls". What also was interesting was that not every one have the sames doors open to them.  It is about stretching yourself and not necessarily following the same path as everyone else.

And the definition of bliss was very interesting. Not the corporate America definition I am sure.
Bliss- Serenity
          The thing you can not not do.
          That deep impulse that make you feel alive and trusting that it is the real you.
          What makes you stand apart.
         
He talked about life, and the fact we must get rid of the life we had planned. So we can have the life that is waiting for us. Sometimes seeing the truth can be a hard stone. But once we really see it we can set out on what he called "The Hero's Journey".

So do what you most love to do, and do more and more of it. Love and accept yourself. Make the choice to "follow you bliss". Move forward with the courage in the face of fear. Share your bliss. Share the "Hero's Journey" so others will want to make the "Journey" also.

I love this picture by Susan Seddon Boulet. In a book of her paintings I found it and on the same page this poem from the Navajo.

Soon feeling the darkness,
Yolkai Estan formed a circle,
    shaping it of turquoise and white shells.
Over this She held a rock of crystal,
    held it until a fire burst forth,
    a blaze that grew so hot, so bright.
    that with the help of the Holy People,
White Shell Woman pushed it further and further away,
    higher and higher into the spaces of heaven.
So it happened that Yolkai Estan,
She who had been born at the time of trouble,
She who had arrived attended by rainbows,
    brought light to the Earth.