This is what you see on top of Cerro De Oro. This is a friend's picture, he had a steadier eye than I did at this moment. In the right lower corner out of camera view, was the ceremony site. As beautiful as this view is, the real story for me was getting to this spot.

As I alluded to in some of my other conversations and posts, it was a life changing experience. If not for two younger and stronger friends I probably wouldn't have made it. As it was at one point, "I thought I might die". In a way I did, it was taxing to say the least, and the thought did run through my head "I might die here". It was a brief moment, but very peaceful moment as well. I had experienced some years back a journey that took me to a "shaman's death"; This much more intense and real than that. In that moment, as I said there was a peace of knowing that everything would be OK. If that was what happened, it would be OK.
I let go of a lot of "stuff" during the ceremony like some anger, grief, emptiness, all of which was very intense as well. The Shaman wiped our tears with white candles and put them in the fire.

And as I reflect as to what this is all to mean for me moving forward, a lot has come and continues to. What is really interesting is that it looks nothing like I had "pictured it". No Assumptions. I know one thing, I must move at the speed of my guidance. Not the wild thoughts that still come on occasion, but those things that when they come I can "feel" it is the truth.

Wheel Ceremony on the New Moon (to set intention) and the Full Moon (to understand what has been fulfilled). These Ceremonies are to be done on the day of the Moon's at 6:00 PM
The idea of a "school" for the young ones to help them understand the changing world and the need to live more naturally.
And, the possibility of an "off the grid cabin" and to understand the feasibility of living this way even in South Georgia.
So this is my intent for this new year this new time. As much as I want to rush ahead now that I see that picture I also know that Guidance is reining me in so I can keep the focus. I also know that who will come will come and I can have no attachment to that. So all my blog friends out there....LIVE ON!

It is all about the moon." This year I feel it is all about setting intention. New Moon Ceremony set an intention to work toward the Full Moon Ceremony. Those intentions may not be fully completed at least progress is made. The idea is to continue to move forward. While I was getting my calendar for 2013 set up for the full and new moons, I found something very interesting. When we get to 2014 there are 2 New Moons, one on January 1 and another on January 30. What a powerful month for intent January 2014 will be.

I posted this on face book. Not many look at the Star Wheel page. So hope it is worth considering here. Shine on Moon!

This is Temple I in Tikal National Park. It is called the Temple of the Great Jaguar because carved on the lintel of the main door way is a King sitting on a Jaguar Throne. It was the burial temple of the 26th. Mayan King Jasaw Chan K'awiil. Our guide said he was also know as King Ah Cacao (King of Chocolate). He is believed to have been 5' 9"; tall by Mayan standards and lived to be 82 years old. A great king that warranted a temple for a burial place. This temple is found on the East side of the Great Plaza.

On the West side of the Great Plaza is Temple II. Built by King Jasaw Chan K'awiil to honor his wife Lady K'alajuan Uni Mo (her name translates to Twelve Macaw Tails). Female remains were found in a burial chamber there. The wooden lintel over the entry bears the portrait of a royal lady, wife of the king and mother of the next King Yik'in Chan K'awiil. While there our guide told us that no one was allowed to climb the steps because there had been a death years back.

Which brings me to another part of my thoughts. On December 21 they allowed some 7000 tourist in for an "end of the world" party. Several thousand apparently did climb the steps and did irreparable damage. For many years this park has been an UNESCO Heritage Park, to preserve and educate others of this legacy. I have learned not to send negative energy out because it only perpetuates the situation. So sending only good loving energy to the people who daily work to repair, preserve and honor this place. The Ancient Energy felt here makes you realize these were brilliant advanced people in so many ways, and their modern family are working to show that. So sad that some see it only as a money making proposition.

When we got to Lake Atitlan, some of us stayed at San Lucas in wonderful hotel. We would take the boat every day to meet up with the rest of the group. This was truly a magical place. You were never out of sight of land but could feel the vastness of the lake. The spray from the boat moving thru the water was like a daily baptism in the mystery. The lake was formed by volcanic activity and the shape of the mountains surrounding the lake was a testament to that. Looking at this picture helps me go back there and feel that mystery again.

I still am processing the messages that I was given there. What is the future? How do I go on from here? What is to be my message to others? For now I look at the picture, feel the spray on my face, the rush of the water through my fingers and listen for the message from the mountain.



I didn't take many pictures I realize while in Guatemala. Those that I did take are far from professional. Perhaps of all I did take this one captured my experience best. I did get some cool ones of the volcanic mountains and giant trees even one from the top of the mountain we climbed. But this one is my most favorite.

We took  the boat over to the place where we would climb the mountain. We landed a a small public park. There were trees there (fig if I remember right) growing right on top of volcanic rocks. The roots embraced the rock and they clung together in mutual agreement. "I will care for you and you care for me." The rock giving part of itself to nurture new life that had come from the root of the tree. The masculine and feminine it perfect harmony. The Rock Nation and Tree Nation showing the rest of Earth how we all can live in harmony.

This picture gives a more complete picture of the stone and the tree. What a symbol of peace and love and sharing. Hope all have a Great Day. Share on!

I had titled this as "who I am" she looks kind of lonely with nothing surrounding her. But perhaps that is part of the process. She is starting out kind of alone but maybe will attract more Spirit Signs to her. As I look at what she/I am becoming I can see other energy forming around her.

So let me explain. Four legs/pillars for a foundation. Her belt with the star, wheel and web to connect her, her base chakras. The six sided comb at the sacral the sweetness of life the abundance that can be. At her heart is the drum and rattle of ceremony, so tell her story to sing her song. The throat energy to tell her truth, to "put it out there". The third eye to see the possibility to let others see it too. The energy swirls at her head, hear the truth, listen to the message of the "Message Bringer". The Ancient Oak grows as a crown to honor the "Standing Ones". Her face is marked by the River Spirit, hoping to heal us all.

I can only put down what I hear, what comes to me. If I try to analyze the meaning the meaning will be lost. I can only put it down and let the meaning make itself known. I let go of all expectations and see what manifests itself. It is with a leap into the known that I will make this known to those that will listen. And, to those that understand it will have meaning, that is theirs alone to understand. For those who don't understand I will love just the same, as those who do understand. As we try to crawl out of the box of meager mindedness. (I know spell check is going to have a hay day with this. Don't you love making new words?)

I did some research Snopes or somebody like that had this posted. Saying that this isn't all that rare or even when it does happen the planets are not aligned like this. Perhaps it is just me but when I look at this picture I see a promise from Mystery that gives a hopeful sign that things can and will change peacefully. I am making this picture and some others a focus for my meditation for my trip. The change I feel coming is one of great strength and the really cool thing of it is, no political party has power over it. As I read the reactions of many over the election results, I have not so much concern about what the future will bring as concern for peoples spirit and what the rhetoric is doing to their energy. So I will concentrate on my faux planetary alignment, and let it help me to open my mind to cosmic possibilities.

On December 3, 2013 this takes place. We will be on our way to Guatemala then. This trip is building. I am purposefully meditating on this because of my Mayan Reading says I have moved from the Cycle of Transformer to that of the Jaguar.

I was born into the sign of the Transformer and have been there from birth till the age of 52. That was a cycle of lies, death and rebirth. Looking back that seems to be true. Because I have become to realize I have been searching for the truth of things in one way or another. Have taken different paths seeking, knowing that there was something more for all of us. The reading elaborates on more, but for now this realization is enough. Over the next few weeks more will be explored. To understand how this part of my life has led me to the place I am now.

Now for the rest of my life I found that I am in the cycle of the jaguar. With a deep love for the Mother Earth, the Jaguar or shaman I am tied directly to the source of all Earth Magic. With that understanding, I explore what that means. It would appear I am going on this trip to the source. So I go with "integrity" I make this journey open to all that will be shown. The Mystery is this is so completely different than what I had expected.

So these visages are my meditation focus. The Mystery, the Truth, and the Message all with Integrity that all that should be made known. The Universe awaits.

This is a great picture. Changing Woman. That's me, I guess that is all of us.  We are changing all the time, most change is subtle. We hardly notice and hopefully it is for the better. Things do sneak up on you though, and we wonder "when the hell did that happen."

I just recently found a great movie- "Eat, Pray, Love". I remember when it came out I wanted to see it. But it got lost in the rest of life. Just recently the author of the book came into my meanderings. So I got the movie on X-Box and the book on my Nook. Though her journey was through divorce and a writing career, it so mirrored what could be any kind of lose. Grief can come in many ways. One thing that she did realize though was that she had never been truly alone on her own. It was this realization that I have come to as well. I may have mentioned in other blogs of the cave and all that. But I also have come to know that even with all my family and friends, at the end of the day in the evening and night it is just me. I must pay the insurance, taxes and utilities those mundane but necessary things. But also no one to share those nonsense things with that family and friends would even understand. But "she" says that before getting lost again in someone else she had to find "her".

So "Changing Woman" come let's talk. The changes can be subtle and exceedingly slow but here we go.

I was on a sort of rant this morning. Had the mask of envy to visit me on the way to the barn. I was thinking of all these things as I sat down to "find the answer to my problems" on the computer. My friend here literally dropped in. I gently took an almost invisible thread and moved him to the side. (my granddaughter calls me the "spider lady" as my house will attest) But it brought me up quickly to re-weave my attitude.
For one I won't find the answer to my envy on the computer. I might find some insight or suggestions of how to let go of the "green eyed" monster, but only I can truly release those thoughts that hold me back. Been in the process of letting go many things theses day.

Another thought I have a love hate with facebook. I hate I guess I should say dislike the political and spiritual rhetoric that I find there. But I also like the pictures that friends and family post up. In some cases that is the only way I have of connecting. But today I find a word mentioned in many of the posts that came from many different people, they all had different messages but the word that was in all of them was RESPECT. So I need to respect others opinions even if they aren't my own and would hope they would understand respect mine as well. I more and more will voice those opinions through the Star Wheel page. Will see if I will get any reactions.;-)

Oh, I am attempting to become a writer. I have an idea and now I even have a name for the book. This may change but for now it is to be called "The Story of Many Lives". Hoping to post the chapters on my other blog page. It is so new a page I can't remember it with out looking it up so stay tuned. It has to do with weaving stories, again Thank you Grandfather.

The "Wheel" sometimes turns exceedingly slow. I see what others are doing and accomplishing and my non-patience gives me a difficult time.I guess that is one mask that I still have to let go. But I am realizing that all that I do will "circle" around the Wheel. With that focus all other things will fall into place. Keep moving into the circle into the spiral. Listen to Your Guides, follow Your intuition, find help on Your Path, not what others might do or think.

As we prepare and ready ourselves for what is coming to our lives, I look back sometimes at what has been. As I become more focused (thank Spirit) I sometimes am concerned at what I percieve to be the turmoil around us. Are there enough of us holding the grounded perspective? I posted a song on facebook by Sugarland called "Stand Up". As far as I know there was no one who listened, or at least no one commented. It is about standing up and making your voice heard. Stand up for hope and love. Sounds pretty ultra unrealistic in these jaded times. But facebook! "Like if you like Mitt", "Like if you like Obama", "Like if you love Jesus". Not that there is anything wrong with that, but what is accomplished? There are even postings that I "like" too. But it is real easy to click a button.

So I have started trying to write. Right now it is coming out a silly sing songy poems. Sad stuff, grieving stuff. So may not post on my other blog for awhile. Want to make this something real and have a clear point of view. Writing letters, actual postage stamp sending mail letters. Working out so much stuff. We all have a point of view, I just want mine to be one of some solidity, not just "click a button".

The sun comes up every morning. The mystery of a new day. What it offers depends on our choices. Fall is here, time to prepare for Winter. Again choices. The following is a story of choices and the result. Hope it is read with favor.

I got back from my Mom's service and was still kind of at loose ends. Been journaling and trying to figure out where to go next.  I had been thinking for a long time to pass my pipe (channupa) on to someone. The Lakota feel the pipe is very sacred and should not necessarily be in the hands of "white eyes". I always revered it and carried it on 2 of my vision quests. So I order sage and such from this lady in SD that is a member of the Lakota Nation. She also supports prison ministry (kind of uncomfortable with that term) for Native inmates. I asked and she accepted the offer to receive the pipe. Got it sent yesterday.


Second part of the story I made the decision to "start letting go". And, the next thing that came into my thought was the drums. Can't bring myself to go to the drum circle, and it is not necessarily because of who leads it. I realized there was something wrong with that thinking. If I was to move forward I needed to mover forward. So I messaged MH on face book and offered him some of my drums. I called them my "traveling drums" because they were the ones I took to Camp Good Grief and all. He accepted the offer. I met him yesterday in the YMCA parking lot of all places. He is kind of high energy for me but not a bad person. I think he has learned somethings since the first drum circle. He realizes more that we all march to the beat of our own drum.;-) Who know now maybe I can go to the drum circles.

What I noticed most from all this was that I felt a very slight weight lifted. I walked a little straighter and felt a little less pain. This physical letting go had manifested an emotional letting go. I keep the spirit drums, I have the ceremonial pipe I made. But, I did a "Jim" thing, I gave something of value to someone else without a second thought about "what is in it for me". I have come to realize that is very freeing. I gave gifts a lot of gifts before, freely and with love. But somewhere in the back of my ego I looked for that boost of my ego. Not sure if I explained it very well but it was a very different experience than I have every had before.

Oh I am working on a new blog spot. It will be more stories and poems. Working on the writing, not so deeply personal. That is other than what life does to me to make me want to write what I write. ;-) Think the address is weaverwoman46.blogspot.com?

This past weekend we went to say good bye to my Mom for the last time. Many memories, mostly good. This is the pasture behind what is now my brother's house. It was my grand parents house first. My brother and I spent many days rambling up and down the "hills and hollers". The season is noticeably changing there.

Here are 5 generations. Had hoped that my Mom could have been there too. But as someone said, "she is sitting with the angels (more likely Jim). But then who is to say he isn't an angel too. My Dad has always been a judgemental soul, but my Mom was always the buffer. Now we/he must go on alone together. Not sure how that will work.

So much lost but much that can be gained. Our lives go on. Be well and love much.

Can we love enough to heal the hurt, replace the hate, clear the air and water. We look for the good in everything and love unconditionally. I have read that unconditional love is not emotion but a consciousness. Seeing the light and dark in all things but still being able to not judge. We ask for no preconceived notions of how things should be, but present hopefully clear ideas and have them received with the intent that they were presented. If anyone reads this and it makes sense to them, please let me know.

Go into the western sun vortex for insight, die in it's heat and be reborn in the rising in the East. What a interesting last few days. So many things swirling around trying to deal with the important, sort out the chafe. Seems like a lot of chafe. Am I missing the important stuff? I like this picture, because it reminds me that even though the West is a place of going within, a dark inner place of introspection. It also shines a light on the those things that we might think are too dark to see.

I went West for my high school reunion. There were 25 students that actually graduated that night in May long ago. Of those 25, we 14 showed up. Of those 25, 8 have crossed over. They are to have another reunion in 5 years. Not sure I will go, have released the need to be there. Thought I could re-capture a connection, was able to say hello to a couple I had missed. But don't feel the need to go back. Someone joked we might need to have one sooner.

There were 2 Carols in our class, and both of them were there. Of the 5 James's in our class, 3 were there. My 2 bus mates were there, we road the bus together everyday from first grade till we graduated. There good memories, but that is all they are memories and not necessarily one that come up often. So introspection, death re-birth go into the West and take a look.

I put this on the Star Wheel page on facebook. The words so said what I wanted to say and be.
Words to ponder...

Wherever I lay my eyes, may hope be revived and consciousness settle in.
Wherever I lay my hand, may life generous and abundant circulate anew.
Wherever I go, may happiness come flooding.
Wherever I am seated, may truth show through.
Wherever I reside, may there be Light!
by Bashistya Shivananta
A baby is coming soon, her pigtails may be dark or like this little one blond. I hold the hope she will bring some light to us all. To all a good Wednesday.

Feel like going into a cave and hiding out? How about this one. Saw this picture and have started to visualize in my mind sitting at it's entrance looking out. That is the good thing about this cave,  you can sit at the entrance and see a world of beauty, or go deeper within and see a different beauty; that of you spirit a soul part of you. I have a message, a very small message but one of love and peace and very simple. I am slowly finding my voice, so far just written words. Maybe that is enough.

The days are getting shorter. The dogs still get up at 6 but the sun doesn't till more like 7:30. Walking to the barn to feed the cats in the dark can be a sketchy proposition.

Have been traveling some on the road and in my mind. Will tell you more about my reunion another blog. But my Mom is not well. She is in Hospice care now in a nursing home. She has her feet in both worlds now. Talking of and to her brother and sister that is no longer here. She has no pain now but does not eat or converse. So I talk to her through Spirit and I feel she is OK. I try talking to Jim, sometimes he listens and sometime he doesn't. ;-) But it is a road that we all must travel and one that is not so scary anymore.

Was doing pipe last evening on the front step. I carry my phone everywhere in case my brother calls. But I could clearly hear Spirit say "take the picture". Didn't realize what was there until I downloaded it, The red orbs the tiny gold one on the tree branch and the rays coming off the opening into the vortex. So much there to ponder, into the West introspection, goals, death, rebirth. I know I am being told to "get on with it". The answers are there, just have to be present.

My grand daughter calls me Spider Woman. There are a lot of cob webs around. Perhaps she is right. But as I set here in front of the computer, looking I guess, for answers a little spider has been coming down it's thread right in front of the screen. Some would say "too many spiders". But as I gently move the thread over to safety, I have the feeling it is telling me to "get on with things".

I am coming to the realization that for 68 years I have maybe not been the real me. But, instead a version of me as seen by others. So busy being a daughter, student, grand daughter, wife, mother, employee, so many things to so many people. Not that I would change any of it, expect if I could I would be a more authentic ME. But perhaps that comes with only time and wisdom. Oh Spirit give me wisdom, cause time is ticking away.
(A work in progress in more ways than one)

Being alone does not make you free.

Four walls does not make you safe.

My heart says, we need someone to breath the air with,

To hold hands with, sitting beneath the stars.

My Soul says, we need someone to talk with, if only to whisper secrets in the night.

My mind says, we need someone to explore life with,

If only to learn of an other's dreams.

So don't seek the wrong freedom or the safety of a "box".

Be open to another seeker, be open to what could be.

Creator painting in pastels this day. Things have been slightly surreal these past days. I seek and get advice from several reliable sources. But, really they are just opinions of that source. And you know what they say about opinions.;-) This is me winking. Sooo in the final analysis, the decisions we all make have to be from our inner voice, that part of us that is a part of that Source that created this beautiful sky. Listen to the natural world which we are all part of. I don't just mean taking pictures, honoring the sun/moon rise and setting, doing all those that preserve and nourish the Earth that is important so important and needed. What I am saying is realize that the energy that is in me, the very cells is in every rock, tree, creature that lives on this Earth. We are truly all one. So I try to be grounded like the stone, give to the wind like the tree, and live in harmony with my fellow creatures.

Have been trying to slow down my thought process. So much whirling around in there getting jumbled. I joined a letter writing group, literally snail mail writing. Thought I needed to wean myself from instant gratification. So what happens, my Internet is down for 4 days. Talk about withdrawals. But it came back up this morning and the world is still revolving and I got a lot of hand work done. Even went out and had ceremony at the wheel.

The hawk/hawks having been having a hay day out toward the wheel. I even found a scraggly feather. This morning heard 2 different calls from 2 different hawks as they swooped through the trees and above. I know there are hawk experts out there that say for the most part hawks are solitary but for the last month I have seen and heard at least 3 almost daily. Of course the crows and squirrels are really upset about the whole thing.

Had other revelations as well. I talk from time to time about the grieving process. I have come to realize one thing-I have memories and history that needs to be remembered and honored. But that does not define who I am now. I just need to figure out who I am now.;-)

In My knowing, I am quiet.

In My soul, I am calm.

In My care, I am centered.

In the silence, my path way comes.

More rain last night YAY! Not going to look at rain gauge, just being thankful for what ever we get.
Only comment this morning is from TUT.
"Love always wins.
Kindness always prevails.
And smiles always disarm.
Touche', The Universe
And there can be as many winners as players, Life Rocks!"
TUT always makes me smile.

Blessed rain. My grandson and I washed our cars and we got rain in Terrell County. Not sure how much but was so wonderful, enough it ran off the roof into the rain barrel. Is supposed to be hot and humid today, heat index of 105.

Yesterday I spoke of Joseph Campbell and finding your bliss. He said something that struck me as significant. "Look for the experience of being alive". Aren't we all alive? We are up walking around, talking, eating, breathing. "The Hero's Journey" is more than that. I mentioned about the truth can be "a hard stone". If we will look at the truth and take it in, that is the beginning of the journey. "The call to adventure" it is called, a continuing circle- separation(an event that will force you to look at the truth), an invitation(learning new ways of being and doing), the return(bringing back and living life so others see). The separation can be a "sledgehammer" event or it can be a "feather" touch. If we pay attention the feather will come more often that the hammer.

Our adventures don't have to be big and grand to make a difference. Everyday we can go through the separation, invitation and return. If we live our real lives, others can't help but notice and be affected by it. I think so much of Jim, he had his warts. But, everyday I see and realize how he did live his real life, not holding back, affected people in a positive way, creating stories that his friends and family still talk about. All that without benefit all this "whoo hoo" stuff as he would call it. ;-) May your day be well.

I belong to the Spiritual Cinema Circle. Each month they send three shorts and one feature movie. They are always good some better than others. This month the feature movie was about Joseph Campbell "Finding Joe". A philosopher and student of the mystic, Campbell was about finding your bliss. He said something to the affect "When you follow your bliss, the Universe opens doors where there was only walls". What also was interesting was that not every one have the sames doors open to them.  It is about stretching yourself and not necessarily following the same path as everyone else.

And the definition of bliss was very interesting. Not the corporate America definition I am sure.
Bliss- Serenity
          The thing you can not not do.
          That deep impulse that make you feel alive and trusting that it is the real you.
          What makes you stand apart.
         
He talked about life, and the fact we must get rid of the life we had planned. So we can have the life that is waiting for us. Sometimes seeing the truth can be a hard stone. But once we really see it we can set out on what he called "The Hero's Journey".

So do what you most love to do, and do more and more of it. Love and accept yourself. Make the choice to "follow you bliss". Move forward with the courage in the face of fear. Share your bliss. Share the "Hero's Journey" so others will want to make the "Journey" also.

I love this picture by Susan Seddon Boulet. In a book of her paintings I found it and on the same page this poem from the Navajo.

Soon feeling the darkness,
Yolkai Estan formed a circle,
    shaping it of turquoise and white shells.
Over this She held a rock of crystal,
    held it until a fire burst forth,
    a blaze that grew so hot, so bright.
    that with the help of the Holy People,
White Shell Woman pushed it further and further away,
    higher and higher into the spaces of heaven.
So it happened that Yolkai Estan,
She who had been born at the time of trouble,
She who had arrived attended by rainbows,
    brought light to the Earth.

The Sun comes up whether it is cloudy or clear. It goes down under the same conditions. Happiness takes as much practice as unhappiness. By living you live more. But by waiting you wait more. With every waiting day you make you life less. And, every lonely day makes you a little smaller. So every day you put off your life it makes you less capable of living it. I borrowed some of these words, but they so fit. Have you stopped to think what are we waiting for? My life has changed and I have to find a new way to live it.

What we resist persists. And, "you can't wrestle a dove". So if you are trying to "wrestle a dove", let it go and fly with it.

I think of the strangest things sometimes. This morning while walking to the barn I thought of this poem I wrote for English class. Our teacher sent some of the poems to this state competition. If selected they were put in this book. I had mine somewhere but like a lot of stuff it is lost in time I guess. But anyway, I thought of that poem this morning not very romantic but let me see if I can remember it.
                                                          An Ode to a Piece of Chalk
                                                      There you are little piece of chalk,
                                                       Lying so white and still.
                                                      And when I pick you up,
                                                      You will obey my every will.
                                                      So when I pick you up to write,
                                                      You will do right I trust.
                                                      I like you little piece of chalk,
                                                     That is, all except your dust.
The strangest things we think of.

There is a saying, "youth is wasted on the young". I think there is some truth to that. These past weeks I have been "reviewing" reliving some of my youthful days. Mostly because Jim was in them and have been trying to work thru some sadness. It is hard when you realize missed opportunities to live bigger and love more. So many of our young people squander their days on video games and being aggressive and not really being happy in their lives right that minute.

So all you young at heart folks, be as happy as you can, love much and stay in the moment. Be "pro-active" even in sadness;-) Happy Weekend.

Have been a strange place lately, half way between "fairy land and reality". Trying not to let things get me off balance. Like this little fella, all it would take is even the slightest squeeze to ruin his day. I try to trust and not let things ruin my day. So I smooth the bumps on the journey and try not to look to far up the road.

The hawks were back last evening, about dusk. Was on the back porch when I heard them again. Screeching away, sounded like young ones trying out their "voices". All of a sudden 3 of them came swooping down into the little pasture area a few yards away from the house. They kind of jumped around and flapped their wings then one by one they flew off. Young ones learning and finding their territory or a lovers triangle? All be well.

I am sure there are those out there that can tell me the genus and attributes of this sweet little creature. But in doing that do we miss the true essence of it's soul. I believe everything has a soul an energy that makes it what it is. We can become to focused on knowledge and miss the knowing. It is as if it is saying "look into my eyes" see the real me. That is what I have been trying to do of late. Not only know the realness of this little bird (what difference does it make if it is an owl an eagle or a butterfly?) but I attempt to find my realness. So hope everyone has a "real" day. Know who you are; who you really are, the rest will take care of it's self.

Saw this web on the way back from the barn. It was among the wildflowers and weeds. Not sure if you can tell but the web appears broken in places didn't see a spider so it may be abandoned. Kind of mirrors some of our lives. We are hardly seen, broken in places, abandoned. But like the spider we can mend our life, fill in the holes and let our true selves be seen. I love spider webs though, they are so interesting and complex. They appear to be very fragile and at the same time very strong.

Out in the front yard a bit ago. Heard the hawks going to town. Different calls and frequent and close together. They were all up in the trees at the edge of the bee yard. Saw only one but sounded like there were many more. Got to thinking maybe they were giving flying lessons to their young.

Surprise weekend Chris and his family came up. Yesterday morning they all were here for breakfast. We laughed and talked and had a good time. The only thing missing was Jim. But he was right there I felt. Like the hawks I/we are trying to get the young to fly on their own. Sometimes, there is a lot of screeching and goading. In the end there is hope they will find a good life.

Sounds like thunder, maybe some rain. Mother Earth can be so good to us. She loves us all from the tiniest bug in the ground to the hawk up above. We all need to see and understand. Be well dear friends.

This is my attempt at poetry. There really was a brindle pup, his name was Amus. A fine dog he was too.
Oh and a piece of wisdom....
All oak trees were a little nut that stood it's ground. ;-) Happy 4th. of July!

We definetly don't need this this morning. But this resembles my stove, plus I saw the new kittens. There 3 tabbies and 1 yellow one, the 2 mamas always show up for breakfast and Boots sometimes. Should try to catch and get them spayed and neutered but so many things to do. In mean time I feed them and let them know that they kind find food here. And yes they misspelled happiness.

Blessed rain last night don't know how much. But had quite a "light show" with "sound". My farmer neighbor is still irrigating his corn, 24-7.

Found this poem about bees wanted to share.

Nectar Flow
- for all beekeepers, who live by the seasons with their bees

The song of bees has made you wise,
taught you about flowers and trees,
once so foreign, now old friends.
Watching wide eyed for their comings and goings,
the ebbs and flows of nature's sweetness,
you've come to know the seasons,
learned that weeds can be wonderful,
secret allies instead of foes
that help create ambrosia a drop of sugar at a time.
Honeybees sing out with insight,
living their lives against our definitions
that we prescribe, line by line,
an attempt to classify, identify,
cement in stone what is and isn't.
The beating of small wings,
thousands fanning together,
a whirlwind of silky air
is the music playing in your ears,
your hearts and souls,
The miracle of something as simple,
as complex as honey,
defying definition,
A sweet reminder that we are just human,
and some things are still beyond our understanding.
© Kirsten Shoshanna Traynor 2003

To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee,
And revery.
the revery alone will do, if the bees are few.
                                   Emily Dickenson
No commentary on this one. Sometimes it is just nice to read something that makes you feel better.

This is our lane, if you look close you can see the barn off to the right. I walk this lane every morning to go feed the cats. It is 6:30 AM and already getting hot. But the real story this morning is the lane itself. Jim and I would walk this lane together many times. He jokingly would say "I walk Donna and the dogs".Trying to get me in "shape". According to the stress test I guess I am not in too bad a shape. Again I digress. The lane, Jim had crushed concrete (not real environmentally sound I guess) put down, because when it does rain there are some low spots that could mess you up. He wanted a "firm" foundation for our trips in and out. We didn't get the stuff spread real evenly in places as you can see. The cool thing about this is the grass is starting to come back and grow over the thinner parts and in the heavier areas grass is making inroads too. The thing with crushed concrete is they crushed everything with it; nails re-bar, even PVC pipe. So now on my morning walks I find and pick up that wire and nails that comes to the surface and lies in wait for some unsuspecting tire. Oh and mowing is fun. Have to raise the mower a little or you send a shower of rock every where.

So like my lane and life in general. Watch out for the "nails that lay in wait" and stay above the "rocks that can be slung". Be discerning of your thoughts don't sling to many rocks and nails at those unsuspecting.  The path you walk may be challenging, but if done peaceful, high above the rocks the way "it is good". So on this hot hot Saturday, watch out for rocks and rusty wire. ;-)

This is Parker my gaurdian dog. We started him on some injections for arthritis in his back "knees". I got to thinking about it and my dogs could be considered my alter egos. Parker with his arthritis, which I some time have to act up. Luna her thyroid sometimes kind of "psycho" self. Then there is the crumudgeon Owen, and his grouchy out look on things. And Buckshot, fun loving full of life, would like to be more like him more of the time.

I can't remember who I told and who I didn't but I had a stress test this morning. Everything was fine I think will get the final word from the Doc. Was able to do a level above my age group on the test so feel like I am physically ok. So probably stress or maybe the "spirit heart" needs mending. Either way I will have a better weekend knowing that things look ok.

When I can, I try to add a picture to make things more interesting. I know I am a more visual kind of person. I am learning the signatures and essences of animals, hoping they can help me through some things. Came across this for Turtle, which is associated with Mother Earth in many Indigenous belief systems. There is a promise from Turtle that it will "feed my spirit and clothe my heart". We all can read different meaning into to this. From my perspective I see Mother Earth as an ally not an enemy, to be subdued and conquered. With hope that She protects the heart from "envy, jealousy and unconsciousness of others". So my wish for all of us is to protected and grounded by the earth. Hope all have a thrilling Thursday.

These are some wildflowers that were seeded this Spring. Had just about given up that any of the 4 big bags of seed that were sown would come up. But we had some good rain at the right time. And though it is getting hot and humid, we did have a fairly decent Spring weather. So these and several other variety of wildflowers peek up at you as you walk along the lane to the barn. Ideas and creation is a lot like these wildflowers. You sow the ideas, create the thoughts, images and hope they fall on fertile ground. Just when you think that maybe they aren't going to come to fruition, you are surprised by the "blooms". Just imagine if I had mowed along the fence because the "weeds" were taking over I would have destroyed the flowers as well. The lesson here? Hold the belief that your creation will take root and flower, even if it does come up among the weeds.

Got some much needed rain. Took the bees some breakfast, even though hadn't finished all of yesterday's. All the "forager, scouter bees" were sitting huddled on the door step to the hive. They seemed to be waiting for the skies to clear. They maybe waiting for awhile, there is 50% chance of rain again today. Looks like we might get some. "Rainy days and Mondays get me down". That was a Mama's and Papa's song. Don't let things get you down. Happy Monday.

This is a French Druid Triad by Francois Bourillon. So look into the smoke of the smudge and see what you see.
"When you die, only three thing will remain of you, since you will abandon all material things on the threshold of the Otherworld; what you have taught to others, what you have created with you hands, and how much love you have spread. So learn more and more in order to teach wise, long-lasting values. Work more and more to leave to the world things of great beauty. And Love, love, love people around you for the light of love heals everything". Sweet Sunday to all.

How sweet a picture, how vulnerable it seems. What comes to my mind is unconditional love and caring. But this morning had a dream that made me incredibly sad. Not that that is a bad thing, it brought me to review some things in my personal journal. More tears and 3 napkins later I had found entries that helped and brought me back to some balance. The first one being...
Come sit with me for awhile, in this place so alone.
Come sit with me for awhile, before you have to travel on.
We all need to feel a touch, or hear a loving word.
We all need to feel a part, of this new and changing world.

The Sun comes up over Dream Mountain.
The miracle of another day.
I tried to sing a sad song, but had forgotten the words.
So sang a healing song, to take the pain away.
From a Heart place of simplistic song,
One that doesn't always follow the rules.
Working through a dark place to one of renewal.
The words come while walking through a dense cloud of grief.
But the Sun comes up over Dream Mountain,
And a healing song is sung.

And on more recent June 9...
We need to go down to the water.
See what we can see.
Go down to the water.
Feel what we can feel.
All this to say it is OK to feel sad, but at the same time feel love and hope. Work through that sadness to a better place. Persevere and move on through. Friday Love to All.

Artemis, the archaic mistress of animals, probably dates back to Paleolithic times. What I find interesting about her, she is fiercely individualistic and independent. Though she is fierce in her demeanor she is a soothing healer, protector of births, alleviating the suffering of women in childbirth. She is a symbol of female independence. Also she reminds us of the value of solitude and the importance of wild, unprotected places. Another lesson she brings is that those frightening places that bring healing even through fear. There is a difference between loneliness and solitude.

The world energy is moving more toward the feminine, and not the necessarily the "feminists" that have positions of power. The energy I believe is more the feminine energy of Artemis, the energy that perseveres through the pain of childbirth, the energy that nurtures and heals the Earth, the energy the stands up and supports all people all living creatures everywhere; not just those causes that are popular or news worthy.  I can feeeell the energy changing can you?!

For my classes in Santa Fe we have and have had conference calls. It keeps us connected when we are apart. We all have ways of being connected when we are apart not just family and friends on this plane of existence, but those that have crossed over. Whether it be through memories or dreams or actual encounters that sometimes happen. Connection can mean many things; an understanding of a person's/or group's intention or purpose. Connection can mean a feeling that brings peace and calm, not needing words. The reason for this connection stuff? Putting into words some of the thoughts that have been coming to me. Sometimes we over use words like love, connection, and commitment. Sometimes we just need to take those often used words and pull them out and look at them. Break them down and see if what we use them for are valid. Have had family here this week, and realize I finally am able to move through that experience without losing my "connection" to the path I have set myself on. It brings a lot of "peace and calm". Thankful Friday.

As I read a friend's blog I realize that many times those of like minds "flow" in the same direction. I have of late been working at finding my "authentic voice". I have been told that I need to be persistent. For me at this time of the Summer Solstice is a time of great change and should stay true to my intent and purpose. Also I need to follow my guidance and not be swayed by what others might want me to do. We all should do that. Many times when we make a decision to do something only to have it ring hallow in meaning and feeling, come to realize it was not really our decision but what another has put into our consciousness. So be persistent in your path, listen to others ideas, but in the end know that only you can decide what is right for you.

Another thought. I have talked and heard a lot lately about being in balance. Was reminded of that again this morning. It is a comfort to know that we can "be there for others" but don't have to buy into their "stuff". Be gentle with yourself and even them, but be firm in "holding your ground" in unconditional love. The road doesn't have to narrow or winding if you hold yourself and others in love. Hope all have a loving Tuesday.

Today is is "this and that". You can barely see my new friend, on the end of the stick. The stick is there so that little bugs and skinks and lizards can get a drink without drowning.  A little frog is almost the same color as the wood. When I first saw him and tried to take a picture he plopped in and hid under the stick. This is Bucky's pool, when he gets hot and is running around he will jump in cool off and take off again. So surprised this little guy or gal hangs around. Bees and frogs maybe the land is getting back in balance. Lot of rain of late which is good, but sure makes the grass grow fast.

Talking about balance, heard an interesting concept the other day. For some of us that are into the "whoo whoo" stuff as Jim would call it, our purpose or job is not to get out and be an activist but more to be present and hold a balance. In the coming days I think we are going to see a lot of things "out of balance". We see and hear of people saying doing very out of balance things, possibly because of  such a change in the energy they don't understand. There is such fear that a lot take in and put out. So the balance folks are not to give in to that fear, but hold the balance and hopefully be able to communicate that understanding to others. So I keep the bees, keep the land and provide a home for the little frog, and what fear I might feel at times send it through the door to heaven with love. Blessed Sunday.

Into the West, as you can tell it is still winter in this picture. Kind of how I feel sometimes. When Jim's brother and sisters were leaving after his memorial service, his brother said I needed to "talk it out". And I have some. But how do you talk out 46 years of life with someone, with others. I tried it on face book with thoughts and pictures, helped a little but it seemed so trivial there. You couldn't really put your deepest sometimes darkest thoughts there. Though some do, I can't. Went to a support group that helped but the leader left for another position and that no longer exists. I have great and wonderful friends but they have lives and problems and some things I can't share even with them. I talk to Jim a lot and he sometimes answers. Have been paying more attention to my dreams and putting in my journal. I told my daughter when I am gone she can read it then "burn" it. So I reeeaally talk it out in my journal. And here, please be patient and understand what I put on this blog is really me talking to myself. With the hopes that who reads this will "hear" it and understand.

I read on the Internet (I no longer watch TV) that this one person feels we should not get married before we are 25 years old. Jim and I were 19. I know a 25 year old that will probably not be mature at 50, no judgement just an observation. So wake up people take responsibility for you own life, don't use what someone else said as a reason for your shortcomings. Wow now I am angry too. It is just that on June 14 it would have been 48 years that we were married. So what do I do? Work it out and "talk it out". (Did have a good conversation with my sister-in-law last evening). Happy Tuesday.

Weary weary today, so let's go to the river. This is the Flint at Sprewell Bluff. We cast crystals there to renew and heal. The hope is to do this in several rivers this summer. Too many projects? Learning new things, finishing old things. This morning all I want to do is sit. We got a lot of recycling done, now I can walk through the laundry room without stumbling over glass and plastic cans and bottles. Got the bees situated, the bottom board is now correct. Got the grass all mowed only to need it again soon.

So the point of today's thoughts not sure. Don't get so busy that we fail to see the beauty of our lives? Busy work so that we don't look at what is really going on with us? As I walk to the barn in the morning I will some times sing this healing song I found. But this morning I was thinking of Jim and the song that came was...."You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when sky's are grey. You'll never know Dear how much I love You. Please don't take my sunshine away". So maybe I am just to "sit" and fill the hole and renew and heal. Good Monday!