It was a week of "should does, gotta does, don't want to does". I was walking to the barn this morning I had started in on the whole list again. Then I heard this kind of wood rubbing sound, didn't see anything on the ground, but when I look up a large bird was flying south to north. It was probably going to a marshy spot in corner of the land. Long neck dark color, most likely a blue heron. Have seen them out there before. Blue heron is kind of one of my totems/spirit helpers from a long time ago. Don't remember their full meaning, but this morning it was a comfort to know it was still with me. Helped me realize to be patient the "shoulds, gottas" will get done. Also the "don't want to does" don't have to come quite so often. There are days though that it seems you are climbing up hill and for every foot you get up you slide back two. Oh well "Happy Monday" got to get my eyes checked. Getting old is not for sissies.

I seem to be hung up on sunrises and sunset. But this was this AM a new beginning another chance. I carry my phone in case this senior citizen might need help, but it is a pretty good camera too. I was cruising facebook before it started to get light and realized that it has become almost an addiction. I look for answers there sometimes and they are not there. I get pulled into other peoples dramas, sometimes it makes me laugh, but there is nothing on there that really helps me figure things out. So more blogging, maybe, or maybe I will write a book or walk more in the woods. At loose ends today it seems.

Will find out today if Luna gets to come home. They say she has tolerated her treatment well. Got to finish taxes. I guess too what has got me in such a funk is all this political stuff with government wanting to tell women what they must do to take care of their own bodies. The good old boy system must be really feeling threatened by the increase of feminine energy.

Just a story today. No picture imagine that! Back after Jim passed I was dueling with our old tractor. Had sold the cows but the horses still needed hay. So when I couldn't get the tractor started to take them a roll of hay, I started pitch forking them hay from a roll. So when I got the new tractor, here I had a pieces parts of  a roll in the way. Couldn't pick it up with the spike. I asked my "renters" if they would help by just throwing it over to the horses. So now every morning I am "cleaning up" the hay roll myself. That is only a pre-explanation to "the lesson".

This morning while I was forking the hay to the horses, I had all this "stuff" running through my mind. May have even been mumbling I don't know. But on my fourth and last trip I looked down and there was a white feather. (Since I got rid of the cows I haven't seen any egrets around, I am sure they visit the horses) But any way a white feather, an angel unaware? It did make me realize that I had been running negative thoughts and what we put out there stays there for hundreds of years. I don't want this place or this land to hold any negative energy. That is not my purpose, so I need to watch my thoughts more carefully. I need to do a lot of clearing of not just my thoughts but this place that I have been so honored to watch over.

                                                                Northeast Morning                                               Ride the Tiger, be the Dragon, feel the Lion
I get up and go out and drink the spring water.
The Tiger comes, we are carried away together.
We to the mountain, we travel deep inside.
Together I become her, she becomes me.

We drink for the clear underground stream.
It tastes good, it makes us strong.

We go deeper into the cave, see wonderous things.
The Lion comes and we dance, our souls refreshed.
The holes are filled with love and joy, we sing the song.
We open up and the energy is shared.

We leave the cave, and are carried home.
We go in and lie down, we become ourselves as one.

I fall asleep and rest, and beacon and the dragon moves inside.
There is no separation the Tiger, the Lion, the Dragon and me.
I am them all and they are me.

I seem stuck on the trees at sunrise and sunset. What happens between those two events become sort of an after thought. This morning way before sunrise, Luna literally came crashing into my room. Usually I hear panting first and I get up and let her out. But like I said crashing in waking me out of a sound sleep, which I don't get too much of lately. I turn on the light and she is on the floor in what I would say was a full seizure. What seemed like forever and she was out of it. She wanted out, but I knew we were head for the vet as soon as they opened. So here is what happened between sunrise and now what you are looking at sunset. Blood work showed high thyroid levels, probable pancreatitis and maybe all this contributed to her apparent seizure. She has had them before I believe. So she is at the vet for three days of IV therapy. She didn't want to leave me as they took her away. Her time between sunrise and sunset will be lonely, boring and a mystery to her. And my sunrise and sunsets will mark time of wondering if I could have done anything different. To slow to take her when I thought there might be something going on. Too busy with my human stuff to realize she was worried about herself while she was worried about me. Luna has always been a hard one to figure, prone to hardness, and unusual ways. My Luna the ancient throw back to the Mound times.  And now, apparently stress bringing on seizures and pancreatitis. So it is nice to contemplate the meaning of sunrises and sunsets, we also should apply ourselves a little more to that time in between.

I know Valentines Day was yesterday, but there is still people still on my heart. In the tradition I study we are to journey often. Here of late when I do I gain some insights, but most time I go back to when two 18 year old spent a summer together. I can smell the honeysuckle as they come home from the movies. The hot muggy nights were magical, most things are when you are 18. But finding someone who becomes your true best friend doesn't happen often when you are just 18.

Now my best friend from high school is near her transition. Have known her for 55 years. She is far away and wouldn't know me even if I could go there. But we weathered a lot of teenage angst together. She was my maid of honor, her now husband was Jim's best man. I cry not so much for them as what the rest of us have lost. Jim a wild young man who went full out most of his life. Did a lot of things he always wanted to. I have a feeling he knew his life would not be as long as the rest of us. He was funny, exciting, exasperating, but lovable all at the same time. Could have a temper but we all knew he loved unconditionally. Arlene was so smart, musical, and a very grounded person.We had wonderful experiences together. Loved them both. Always will.

I called this "Tree in the evening". I sit in my front yard or on the step and it is always there. A constant companion. It often gives very good advice. I reminds me of a hand holding a lacy fan. Today has been kind of a grey day in more ways than one. But The Tree is always there, on a occasion a fox squirrel comes to scold, or cardinal demanding attention. But we all co-exist the tree, the squirrel, the cardinal and me. Not sure this has a lot of meaning other than the fact, it is real here in front of me. Tomorrow the sun will come up and we will go about our lives and the tree will be there in front of me.