I was on a sort of rant this morning. Had the mask of envy to visit me on the way to the barn. I was thinking of all these things as I sat down to "find the answer to my problems" on the computer. My friend here literally dropped in. I gently took an almost invisible thread and moved him to the side. (my granddaughter calls me the "spider lady" as my house will attest) But it brought me up quickly to re-weave my attitude.
For one I won't find the answer to my envy on the computer. I might find some insight or suggestions of how to let go of the "green eyed" monster, but only I can truly release those thoughts that hold me back. Been in the process of letting go many things theses day.

Another thought I have a love hate with facebook. I hate I guess I should say dislike the political and spiritual rhetoric that I find there. But I also like the pictures that friends and family post up. In some cases that is the only way I have of connecting. But today I find a word mentioned in many of the posts that came from many different people, they all had different messages but the word that was in all of them was RESPECT. So I need to respect others opinions even if they aren't my own and would hope they would understand respect mine as well. I more and more will voice those opinions through the Star Wheel page. Will see if I will get any reactions.;-)

Oh, I am attempting to become a writer. I have an idea and now I even have a name for the book. This may change but for now it is to be called "The Story of Many Lives". Hoping to post the chapters on my other blog page. It is so new a page I can't remember it with out looking it up so stay tuned. It has to do with weaving stories, again Thank you Grandfather.

The "Wheel" sometimes turns exceedingly slow. I see what others are doing and accomplishing and my non-patience gives me a difficult time.I guess that is one mask that I still have to let go. But I am realizing that all that I do will "circle" around the Wheel. With that focus all other things will fall into place. Keep moving into the circle into the spiral. Listen to Your Guides, follow Your intuition, find help on Your Path, not what others might do or think.

As we prepare and ready ourselves for what is coming to our lives, I look back sometimes at what has been. As I become more focused (thank Spirit) I sometimes am concerned at what I percieve to be the turmoil around us. Are there enough of us holding the grounded perspective? I posted a song on facebook by Sugarland called "Stand Up". As far as I know there was no one who listened, or at least no one commented. It is about standing up and making your voice heard. Stand up for hope and love. Sounds pretty ultra unrealistic in these jaded times. But facebook! "Like if you like Mitt", "Like if you like Obama", "Like if you love Jesus". Not that there is anything wrong with that, but what is accomplished? There are even postings that I "like" too. But it is real easy to click a button.

So I have started trying to write. Right now it is coming out a silly sing songy poems. Sad stuff, grieving stuff. So may not post on my other blog for awhile. Want to make this something real and have a clear point of view. Writing letters, actual postage stamp sending mail letters. Working out so much stuff. We all have a point of view, I just want mine to be one of some solidity, not just "click a button".

The sun comes up every morning. The mystery of a new day. What it offers depends on our choices. Fall is here, time to prepare for Winter. Again choices. The following is a story of choices and the result. Hope it is read with favor.

I got back from my Mom's service and was still kind of at loose ends. Been journaling and trying to figure out where to go next.  I had been thinking for a long time to pass my pipe (channupa) on to someone. The Lakota feel the pipe is very sacred and should not necessarily be in the hands of "white eyes". I always revered it and carried it on 2 of my vision quests. So I order sage and such from this lady in SD that is a member of the Lakota Nation. She also supports prison ministry (kind of uncomfortable with that term) for Native inmates. I asked and she accepted the offer to receive the pipe. Got it sent yesterday.


Second part of the story I made the decision to "start letting go". And, the next thing that came into my thought was the drums. Can't bring myself to go to the drum circle, and it is not necessarily because of who leads it. I realized there was something wrong with that thinking. If I was to move forward I needed to mover forward. So I messaged MH on face book and offered him some of my drums. I called them my "traveling drums" because they were the ones I took to Camp Good Grief and all. He accepted the offer. I met him yesterday in the YMCA parking lot of all places. He is kind of high energy for me but not a bad person. I think he has learned somethings since the first drum circle. He realizes more that we all march to the beat of our own drum.;-) Who know now maybe I can go to the drum circles.

What I noticed most from all this was that I felt a very slight weight lifted. I walked a little straighter and felt a little less pain. This physical letting go had manifested an emotional letting go. I keep the spirit drums, I have the ceremonial pipe I made. But, I did a "Jim" thing, I gave something of value to someone else without a second thought about "what is in it for me". I have come to realize that is very freeing. I gave gifts a lot of gifts before, freely and with love. But somewhere in the back of my ego I looked for that boost of my ego. Not sure if I explained it very well but it was a very different experience than I have every had before.

Oh I am working on a new blog spot. It will be more stories and poems. Working on the writing, not so deeply personal. That is other than what life does to me to make me want to write what I write. ;-) Think the address is weaverwoman46.blogspot.com?

This past weekend we went to say good bye to my Mom for the last time. Many memories, mostly good. This is the pasture behind what is now my brother's house. It was my grand parents house first. My brother and I spent many days rambling up and down the "hills and hollers". The season is noticeably changing there.

Here are 5 generations. Had hoped that my Mom could have been there too. But as someone said, "she is sitting with the angels (more likely Jim). But then who is to say he isn't an angel too. My Dad has always been a judgemental soul, but my Mom was always the buffer. Now we/he must go on alone together. Not sure how that will work.

So much lost but much that can be gained. Our lives go on. Be well and love much.

Can we love enough to heal the hurt, replace the hate, clear the air and water. We look for the good in everything and love unconditionally. I have read that unconditional love is not emotion but a consciousness. Seeing the light and dark in all things but still being able to not judge. We ask for no preconceived notions of how things should be, but present hopefully clear ideas and have them received with the intent that they were presented. If anyone reads this and it makes sense to them, please let me know.

Go into the western sun vortex for insight, die in it's heat and be reborn in the rising in the East. What a interesting last few days. So many things swirling around trying to deal with the important, sort out the chafe. Seems like a lot of chafe. Am I missing the important stuff? I like this picture, because it reminds me that even though the West is a place of going within, a dark inner place of introspection. It also shines a light on the those things that we might think are too dark to see.

I went West for my high school reunion. There were 25 students that actually graduated that night in May long ago. Of those 25, we 14 showed up. Of those 25, 8 have crossed over. They are to have another reunion in 5 years. Not sure I will go, have released the need to be there. Thought I could re-capture a connection, was able to say hello to a couple I had missed. But don't feel the need to go back. Someone joked we might need to have one sooner.

There were 2 Carols in our class, and both of them were there. Of the 5 James's in our class, 3 were there. My 2 bus mates were there, we road the bus together everyday from first grade till we graduated. There good memories, but that is all they are memories and not necessarily one that come up often. So introspection, death re-birth go into the West and take a look.