Have been trying to slow down my thought process. So much whirling around in there getting jumbled. I joined a letter writing group, literally snail mail writing. Thought I needed to wean myself from instant gratification. So what happens, my Internet is down for 4 days. Talk about withdrawals. But it came back up this morning and the world is still revolving and I got a lot of hand work done. Even went out and had ceremony at the wheel.

The hawk/hawks having been having a hay day out toward the wheel. I even found a scraggly feather. This morning heard 2 different calls from 2 different hawks as they swooped through the trees and above. I know there are hawk experts out there that say for the most part hawks are solitary but for the last month I have seen and heard at least 3 almost daily. Of course the crows and squirrels are really upset about the whole thing.

Had other revelations as well. I talk from time to time about the grieving process. I have come to realize one thing-I have memories and history that needs to be remembered and honored. But that does not define who I am now. I just need to figure out who I am now.;-)

In My knowing, I am quiet.

In My soul, I am calm.

In My care, I am centered.

In the silence, my path way comes.

More rain last night YAY! Not going to look at rain gauge, just being thankful for what ever we get.
Only comment this morning is from TUT.
"Love always wins.
Kindness always prevails.
And smiles always disarm.
Touche', The Universe
And there can be as many winners as players, Life Rocks!"
TUT always makes me smile.

Blessed rain. My grandson and I washed our cars and we got rain in Terrell County. Not sure how much but was so wonderful, enough it ran off the roof into the rain barrel. Is supposed to be hot and humid today, heat index of 105.

Yesterday I spoke of Joseph Campbell and finding your bliss. He said something that struck me as significant. "Look for the experience of being alive". Aren't we all alive? We are up walking around, talking, eating, breathing. "The Hero's Journey" is more than that. I mentioned about the truth can be "a hard stone". If we will look at the truth and take it in, that is the beginning of the journey. "The call to adventure" it is called, a continuing circle- separation(an event that will force you to look at the truth), an invitation(learning new ways of being and doing), the return(bringing back and living life so others see). The separation can be a "sledgehammer" event or it can be a "feather" touch. If we pay attention the feather will come more often that the hammer.

Our adventures don't have to be big and grand to make a difference. Everyday we can go through the separation, invitation and return. If we live our real lives, others can't help but notice and be affected by it. I think so much of Jim, he had his warts. But, everyday I see and realize how he did live his real life, not holding back, affected people in a positive way, creating stories that his friends and family still talk about. All that without benefit all this "whoo hoo" stuff as he would call it. ;-) May your day be well.

I belong to the Spiritual Cinema Circle. Each month they send three shorts and one feature movie. They are always good some better than others. This month the feature movie was about Joseph Campbell "Finding Joe". A philosopher and student of the mystic, Campbell was about finding your bliss. He said something to the affect "When you follow your bliss, the Universe opens doors where there was only walls". What also was interesting was that not every one have the sames doors open to them.  It is about stretching yourself and not necessarily following the same path as everyone else.

And the definition of bliss was very interesting. Not the corporate America definition I am sure.
Bliss- Serenity
          The thing you can not not do.
          That deep impulse that make you feel alive and trusting that it is the real you.
          What makes you stand apart.
         
He talked about life, and the fact we must get rid of the life we had planned. So we can have the life that is waiting for us. Sometimes seeing the truth can be a hard stone. But once we really see it we can set out on what he called "The Hero's Journey".

So do what you most love to do, and do more and more of it. Love and accept yourself. Make the choice to "follow you bliss". Move forward with the courage in the face of fear. Share your bliss. Share the "Hero's Journey" so others will want to make the "Journey" also.

I love this picture by Susan Seddon Boulet. In a book of her paintings I found it and on the same page this poem from the Navajo.

Soon feeling the darkness,
Yolkai Estan formed a circle,
    shaping it of turquoise and white shells.
Over this She held a rock of crystal,
    held it until a fire burst forth,
    a blaze that grew so hot, so bright.
    that with the help of the Holy People,
White Shell Woman pushed it further and further away,
    higher and higher into the spaces of heaven.
So it happened that Yolkai Estan,
She who had been born at the time of trouble,
She who had arrived attended by rainbows,
    brought light to the Earth.

The Sun comes up whether it is cloudy or clear. It goes down under the same conditions. Happiness takes as much practice as unhappiness. By living you live more. But by waiting you wait more. With every waiting day you make you life less. And, every lonely day makes you a little smaller. So every day you put off your life it makes you less capable of living it. I borrowed some of these words, but they so fit. Have you stopped to think what are we waiting for? My life has changed and I have to find a new way to live it.

What we resist persists. And, "you can't wrestle a dove". So if you are trying to "wrestle a dove", let it go and fly with it.

I think of the strangest things sometimes. This morning while walking to the barn I thought of this poem I wrote for English class. Our teacher sent some of the poems to this state competition. If selected they were put in this book. I had mine somewhere but like a lot of stuff it is lost in time I guess. But anyway, I thought of that poem this morning not very romantic but let me see if I can remember it.
                                                          An Ode to a Piece of Chalk
                                                      There you are little piece of chalk,
                                                       Lying so white and still.
                                                      And when I pick you up,
                                                      You will obey my every will.
                                                      So when I pick you up to write,
                                                      You will do right I trust.
                                                      I like you little piece of chalk,
                                                     That is, all except your dust.
The strangest things we think of.

There is a saying, "youth is wasted on the young". I think there is some truth to that. These past weeks I have been "reviewing" reliving some of my youthful days. Mostly because Jim was in them and have been trying to work thru some sadness. It is hard when you realize missed opportunities to live bigger and love more. So many of our young people squander their days on video games and being aggressive and not really being happy in their lives right that minute.

So all you young at heart folks, be as happy as you can, love much and stay in the moment. Be "pro-active" even in sadness;-) Happy Weekend.

Have been a strange place lately, half way between "fairy land and reality". Trying not to let things get me off balance. Like this little fella, all it would take is even the slightest squeeze to ruin his day. I try to trust and not let things ruin my day. So I smooth the bumps on the journey and try not to look to far up the road.

The hawks were back last evening, about dusk. Was on the back porch when I heard them again. Screeching away, sounded like young ones trying out their "voices". All of a sudden 3 of them came swooping down into the little pasture area a few yards away from the house. They kind of jumped around and flapped their wings then one by one they flew off. Young ones learning and finding their territory or a lovers triangle? All be well.

I am sure there are those out there that can tell me the genus and attributes of this sweet little creature. But in doing that do we miss the true essence of it's soul. I believe everything has a soul an energy that makes it what it is. We can become to focused on knowledge and miss the knowing. It is as if it is saying "look into my eyes" see the real me. That is what I have been trying to do of late. Not only know the realness of this little bird (what difference does it make if it is an owl an eagle or a butterfly?) but I attempt to find my realness. So hope everyone has a "real" day. Know who you are; who you really are, the rest will take care of it's self.

Saw this web on the way back from the barn. It was among the wildflowers and weeds. Not sure if you can tell but the web appears broken in places didn't see a spider so it may be abandoned. Kind of mirrors some of our lives. We are hardly seen, broken in places, abandoned. But like the spider we can mend our life, fill in the holes and let our true selves be seen. I love spider webs though, they are so interesting and complex. They appear to be very fragile and at the same time very strong.

Out in the front yard a bit ago. Heard the hawks going to town. Different calls and frequent and close together. They were all up in the trees at the edge of the bee yard. Saw only one but sounded like there were many more. Got to thinking maybe they were giving flying lessons to their young.

Surprise weekend Chris and his family came up. Yesterday morning they all were here for breakfast. We laughed and talked and had a good time. The only thing missing was Jim. But he was right there I felt. Like the hawks I/we are trying to get the young to fly on their own. Sometimes, there is a lot of screeching and goading. In the end there is hope they will find a good life.

Sounds like thunder, maybe some rain. Mother Earth can be so good to us. She loves us all from the tiniest bug in the ground to the hawk up above. We all need to see and understand. Be well dear friends.

This is my attempt at poetry. There really was a brindle pup, his name was Amus. A fine dog he was too.
Oh and a piece of wisdom....
All oak trees were a little nut that stood it's ground. ;-) Happy 4th. of July!

We definetly don't need this this morning. But this resembles my stove, plus I saw the new kittens. There 3 tabbies and 1 yellow one, the 2 mamas always show up for breakfast and Boots sometimes. Should try to catch and get them spayed and neutered but so many things to do. In mean time I feed them and let them know that they kind find food here. And yes they misspelled happiness.

Blessed rain last night don't know how much. But had quite a "light show" with "sound". My farmer neighbor is still irrigating his corn, 24-7.

Found this poem about bees wanted to share.

Nectar Flow
- for all beekeepers, who live by the seasons with their bees

The song of bees has made you wise,
taught you about flowers and trees,
once so foreign, now old friends.
Watching wide eyed for their comings and goings,
the ebbs and flows of nature's sweetness,
you've come to know the seasons,
learned that weeds can be wonderful,
secret allies instead of foes
that help create ambrosia a drop of sugar at a time.
Honeybees sing out with insight,
living their lives against our definitions
that we prescribe, line by line,
an attempt to classify, identify,
cement in stone what is and isn't.
The beating of small wings,
thousands fanning together,
a whirlwind of silky air
is the music playing in your ears,
your hearts and souls,
The miracle of something as simple,
as complex as honey,
defying definition,
A sweet reminder that we are just human,
and some things are still beyond our understanding.
© Kirsten Shoshanna Traynor 2003

To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee,
And revery.
the revery alone will do, if the bees are few.
                                   Emily Dickenson
No commentary on this one. Sometimes it is just nice to read something that makes you feel better.